When One Door Closes, Knock Down a New One

I’ve always loved the expression ‘When one door closes, another opens.’ It’s been attributed to Alexander Graham Bell but who knows if that’s actually true. It doesn’t really matter who said it – it’s kept me positive more than a few times throughout my life and for that I am grateful.

It’s not so much that it’s held true for me – it’s more the optimism behind it that keeps me waiting for that next opportunity, hopeful that the closed door behind me was not closed in vain. Because sometimes that door shuts, and no matter how long you patiently wait or how hard you earnestly search for the new ‘open door’, it sometimes never materializes. You’re just kind of left holding on to the handle of the closed door, silently mouthing, “WTF just happened?”

A couple of years ago, I was unceremoniously terminated from a dream job that I thought I would retire from. I went to work in the morning a happily employed worker bee and after a very long, confusing and tearful return train ride, I came home without a job and quite frankly without much hope that my fifty-something-year-old self would ever find anything comparable.

“That Day”, as my family and I would come to call it, sent me into a depression in some ways worse than my divorce a few years prior had. After all, I knew the divorce was coming – ’That Day’, not so much. Also, I loved the person that I worked for dearly…my husband, not so much. It was kind of a double whammy, losing the job and the person all at once, with no time to mentally or emotionally prepare for the loss that I was about to experience.

After about a month of feeling sorry for myself, I stumbled across the ‘door closing’ quote again and I felt a bit of hope. I remembered that the Universe had a way of guiding you to where you need to be and so I patiently waited for the new door.

And I waited.

And waited…

Crickets.

Then my very wise daughter reminded me that ‘doors don’t magically appear in the middle of a room.’ You have to make the effort to find the door so that you can walk through it. So I went in search of the door.

And I searched.

And searched…

Louder crickets.

Then I realized something – something that had never occurred to me before. Sometimes it’s hard to find the new open doors because they aren’t what you expect an open door to look like. They are a different shape, size, color or maybe even altogether incognito. You’re spending your time searching for something that has the look, feel and dimensions of a traditional door – something with a handle and easy to walk through.

I had to stop thinking with such a limiting perspective. I had to investigate any and all the openings, no matter the shape or size – even the tiniest of cracks can qualify as an opening. Who was I to discount ‘the crack’? With a little digging and some hard work, I could make that crack the right size for me to walk through.

And that’s just what I did!

I really started to think about the things that I wanted out of my life. What were my passions? What was I good at? What could I share with the world? What would make me excited about waking up in the morning again? I had to figure out a way to earn a living not only by following this newfound rubric but also to design it with more security so that no one could ever take it away from me again.

So, I started my own company. ME! Miss Afraid-Of-Her-Own-Shadow, Zero-Self-Confidence, ME! In terms of ‘new doors’, we’re talking about finding the smallest little chip in a cement wall and using one of those plastic toy beach shovels to carve an area big enough for me to venture through.

It took a while, and the ride was far from smooth. But the whole time I kept thinking to myself, “This is for me! I’ve got this!” Through every obstacle (which I’ve now come to view as “learning opportunities”), through every bad day, for every month that rent or college or car payments were due and I had no idea how I would make it happen, through it all…my mantra kept me moving forward…”This is for me. I’ve got this.”

While I’m not raking in millions (yet!), I’m making substantially more than I was at my old job – minus the 3-hour commute! I am able to support myself doing something that I love to do – from home! I wake up before my alarm. I forget to eat because I’m so immersed in my day. Evening hours come and I’m surprised by dusk each time it arrives. Best of all, I live my life on my terms, at no one’s mercy. I guess I should be thanking my old boss!

So, to anyone out there reading this right now, when there’s a change in your life and a door closes– whether it be divorce, a job ending or the end of a friendship – don’t wait for the new ‘open door’ to miraculously appear in front of you like I did. You’ll be wasting precious time. Lick your wounds, assess your life and your priorities, and then go out and create your own doors.

And then walk right through them….