Shampoo Bottle Wars and Other Imaginary Battles

My at-home, college-aged son and I have a pretty fantastic relationship. We’ve learned how to navigate life in our small apartment with things like shower schedules and kitchen time. It wasn’t easy at first, but with some give and take and some patience, we have achieved a happy balance that keeps us both sane. So it came as a shock to me when we engaged in what I silently came to call the “Bottle Battle.”

Many a bathroom battles have been waged in my home – forgetting to close the curtain after use, seat up/seat down sagas, leaving soap slivers that could barely wash a thumb, and for the love of God would it kill a boy to turn the freaking fan on when he showers or spray after he poops?? You know…those types of battles.

The Bottle Battle began one day when I noticed that the shampoo bottle was standing on its head. At the time, it made sense to me because it was almost empty. I mean, who likes waiting for shampoo to get to the opening when there’s barely any left and in you’re in a hurry because you forgot to set your alarm or even worse you couldn’t stop watching Friends reruns even though it was time to get up? “PIVOT!”

So, the next day, after replacing the empty bottle with a brand new full bottle, I noticed that IT was also on its head. So I flipped it.

Next day, back on its head. I flipped it again.

Now at this point, I could have (SHOULD have) simply explained to my son that I don’t like the bottle on its head because the water pools there between showers and makes the top all slimy and that’s just gross. But I didn’t.

Instead, we engaged in a two-week-long battle of bottle flipping that started to really piss me off. In my head, I had created a situation where we were both trying to win. I actually started to get angry with him. Still, I didn’t say anything. I just kept flipping.

Then one day, I decided to bring it up. We were both in a good mood and the timing was right and I just casually said something like, “Hey, how about the bottle war we have going on?” I said it with a smile.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, the back and forth with the shampoo bottle!” I laughed.

“What?”

“You know! You put it on its head and then I put it right side up again.”

“What?”

He. Had. No. Idea. What. I. Was. Talking. About!

“So you mean, you haven’t been purposely putting it back on its head after I put it on its bottom?”

“Noooooo!” he started laughing. “Why would I do that? Whatever way you want it is fine with me. It was just quicker for me to get shampoo out that way.”

So, this entire time, I was having this battle with…myself?

You’ve GOT to be kidding?

But it got me thinking – how many times have I done exactly this in other situations that were way more serious than the positioning of a shampoo bottle? How much stress had I caused myself because I had been too stubborn to communicate or too prideful to express my feelings? “They should know how I feel! I shouldn’t have to tell them!”

But sometimes you do have to tell them. People aren’t mind readers. People have their own battles going on that don’t involve you! Imagine THAT! YOU aren’t the center of everyone’s universe! Go figure.

That was a year ago. Since then, I’ve tried to be mindful of all the ‘battles’ in my life: the real ones, the imagined ones, the ones with myself, the ones that I’ve created, the ones worth fighting, the ones that don’t deserve a second thought. It’s helped me to better understand where to put my energy and for that I am a better, stronger and happier person.

Now when I get in the shower and see the shampoo bottle, it makes me stop a think about all that is good in my life. It seems like an odd connection to make but that shampoo bottle reminds me that I have the ability to create a life that works for me. It reminds me that all I have to do is communicate.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to communicate to my son on how to pick up dirty underwear off a bathroom floor.