God Forbid, Ladies… Don’t Rock the Boat!

Sometimes…it’s better NOT to listen to our elders.

I can still remember the first time my Polish grandmother gave me marital advice. It was actually before we were married. My boyfriend (eventual husband, eventual ex-husband, eventual voodoo doll) and I were living together and I made the mistake of complaining to her about something. What it was I honestly don’t even remember at this point. What stuck with me was the advice that she gave.

With such a serious tone of equal parts warning and fear she told me, “Honey, don’t rock the boat.”

When I heard the words I remember thinking to myself, “She’s right! I shouldn’t rock the boat. What if I push too hard and I lose him over something so stupid.” No. Rocking. The. BOAT! It became my mantra.

So began the many times that I swallowed down the urge to call out his bad behavior. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t doing either one of us any favors. While it may have temporarily kept the peace and the relationship alive for longer than it should have been, it was the worst thing I could have done for either of us. My ‘wonderful’ guy was a bully by nature and effectively, I was nurturing that ugly part of him. I quickly taught him how easily I could be stifled. I was the Edith to his Archie Bunker. An early-season Betty to his Don Draper. The Kermit to his Miss Piggy. He learned how to manipulate my weaknesses into a pretty great marriage….for HIM. All the while in the back of my head was always my Gram’s voice….”Honey, don’t rock the boat.”

Why are some women like this? Why are we so worried about making waves when we are at the receiving end of bad behavior? I’ll tell you why and it’s probably gonna hurt a little bit.

It’s NOT because you take the whole “for better or worse” vow more seriously than your divorced neighbor does. It’s not because you value marriage better than your re-married girlfriends do. It’s because down deep, right next to that inner voice that’s loudly whispering not to rock the boat there’s another voice saying, “You might not get anyone better than this.” Sadly, that translates to, “Because you might not deserve anyone better than this.”

Ladies! We don’t know our own value!

Here’s what you need to know right now: You are good. You are worthy. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. Believe it! Because the sooner you start believing it, the sooner you’ll start living it.

Then the next time some guy starts behaving badly or treating you less than you deserve to be treated, you won’t be worried about rocking the boat….you’ll already have pushed him out of it.