A Letter for Every Daughter: Choose You and Take Your Time

To My Beautiful Daughter,

Finding your soul mate, your partner-in-crime, your love thang, the yin to your yang, the Frick to your Frack, the peanut butter to your jelly, the Bing to your Geller…it takes time. A lot of time. As a matter of fact, the journey toward your person actually begins the minute you’re born. You just aren’t aware of it.

It doesn’t start at birth in the sense that you begin your search for him or her. It’s that you begin your search for you. The latter is so much more the important search of the two. I know it’s hard for you to see that right now at age 20. I know that right now, as you look around and see all of your college friends “coupling up” (even if for only a nanosecond), you feel lonely and sad and confused and wonder why it’s not happening for you.

Here’s what you need to know. It’s not a race. It’s not “she-who-pairs-off-first-wins.” It’s truly “she-who-knows-herself-the-best-and-what-makes-her-happy-and-knows-her-own-worth” that wins. This is the part that takes time.

Take the time to explore life and all that’s out there. Experience different things. Go to different cities, states, countries. Study abroad! See one or five Broadway shows (my treat!). Read the classics (and some not-so-classics). Paint a picture. Learn karate. Sing out loud. Dance in the rain. Be a good friend. Dine in public by yourself. Go outside your comfort zone. See what you’re made of. Learn what makes you tick because guess what? You are the only person in the universe who has the ability to know you and define you. No man will be able to do this for you and certainly no man will complete you (sorry, Jerry). YOU will complete you.

This is the woman that will then attract the person that is right for her. This is the strong, healthy woman who is ready to say to another man or woman, “I choose you.”  Because, and only because, you started this journey with, “I choose me.”

Oh! One more important thing…don’t judge a book by the cover. The tight abs will soften and that thick wavy hair will eventually thin (or disappear altogether). Don’t discount the boys that don’t meet today’s standard of ‘beauty’. You wouldn’t want anyone to judge you by those standards so please don’t use them to judge others.  Look people from all walks of life in the eye and afford them respect until they give you a reason not to. Some of the most interesting and influential people in my life have been the ones that society discards. Look for someone who makes you laugh until you can’t feel your face and you pee your pants a little. Look for someone who loves and respects you as much as you love and respect you.

You deserve this and so much more.